First of all, I want to thank you all immensely for your kind words and your time, for reading my little banter and making me feel so warm and fuzzy! Thank you!
Secondly, I feel that there is a need to tell you a little bit more about Christine and where this all came from. This may seem ironic since, if you’ve read any of it, you already know so much. This blog came about because I was stuck, feeling all these feels and having no outlet. I was left, heartbroken, for the very first time in years, the night before a very long drive with my father. Being the emotionally disconnected, clumsy and confused man that he is, I could not see myself opening up to him about the misery that was brewing inside of me. He would have just made it worse.
So there I was, in this car, with this man, who shares more with the one causing my pain than I would ever like to admit, for fifteen very long hours. The landscapes of Italy never looked more morose. The sounds of very well known songs were ever so present, to taint the colors of the sky with my held-back tears. Sometimes, music burns through your soul until all that is left are the ashes of your memories. This was one of those times. Every chord, every lyric was an uphill battle that went on and on, past the sunrise and into dusk.
Once at our destination, I found myself on that patio, looking over the sea and at the moon again. It was the same moon we had once stared at; it was always the same moon, watching me from above, sometimes so comfortably, others so glaringly. What are you going to do Christine? What are you going to make of this?
So I drank. At first I drank the sweet wine to pretend to forget, to give me the illusion that maybe I could forget. Then I remembered Hemingway. And then I drank to write. And I wrote and wrote and drank, and wrote again. Until finally, I realized this was my outlet; this is what I am meant to do, to learn from this, to learn always and continue to grow. That summer was my last one in university. There was probably some kind of life crisis playing into the mix, and there still is.
This work on my self, this ultimate indulgence in narcissism, showed me something most valuable: that vulnerability does not like to be alone. I see this time and time again, and you can see it in the comments too. People feel free to be vulnerable, and for some reason, tell me some of their darkest feelings, because they trust the sincerity. I am so deeply honoured and incredulous that my voice does indeed transpire, and that it is received the way it was intended to.
It is not perfect. It never will be. Yet the encouragement you have provided me with makes me hungrier and angrier at our society. This expression should permeate every single second of our lives. I do not mean that you should be complaining or sobbing or expressing every booboo so solemnly. Don’t do that. Do express your emotions to the people around you. I wish I did not have to do this under a pen name. I wish you could all hear my voice, and my slight but perceptible accent. I wish I could hug you, because damn, do we all ever deserve a hug. Especially after the heartache and cringe I’ve put you through! I wish you could laugh at my crazy (and often ridiculously stupid) haircuts, and at my extra ten-twenty pounds that seem to like to come and go. Laugh with me that is. I wish I could bore you with my theories of post-structuralism, and penis-size, over a glass of wine and a side of human contact.
There is beauty in words. You will all read mine (if you so chose to) with your own voice, or maybe someone else’s. Mine will get lost, somewhere in the shadows and corners of this space. Yet the feeling that I may potentially have opened up some spaces for you, to indulge in your own self-ness, in your own lives, with your people and your stories, would make me so happy. Do it, push for the questions, and answers that do not belong. Make people uncomfortable. Comfort is dangerous. Do not let it suffocate you. Get on the road. Get on the phone and say what you thought so loudly, but your mouth was sealed-shut by some precept, that should have long expired. Or better yet, get lost (anywhere) and tell someone (me, yourself, whomever) exactly how it felt. Maybe then, you’ll know a bit more about Christine and how she works.
Again, thank you for the support. I am happy to discuss, deconstruct, re-word, re-think and re-root any of my wicked brain, to paint a better picture, of my life, as I know it.
All words copyrighted.
Most posts were drafts for my memoir, in the shape of short episodic stories, written as life happens. The blog now functions as a teaser for Just Bad Timing, my debut memoir, published on March 8, 2018.
I would like to apologize in advance for the sometimes straight and narrow approach of my stories. I believe my words are always honest from the exact standpoint where they are uttered, but that standpoint will vary greatly as I grow. I try to not judge old me for the lessons I keep learning – I hope you do the same.
i cannot wait to read more of your blog. thank you for checking out mine. 🙂
There’s something about your words that’s mystical and pure. Hope you like mine too! 🙂
thank you. and yes, i am definitely liking yours!
Well hello, Christine!
It does quite make me happy that you have found something wonderful in my book to have clicked to subscribe to it! 🙂
In poking around your blog to see who this lovely person was who decided to check my writing out, I read a few of your posts, and I must say, I love your prose! I think it’s a beautiful thing to be able to put words together in fancy ways. I will most definitely and happily be reading more of yours, as I rather am enjoying them.
I hope you have a magical rest of your day! :D,
– Christopher Lear
I am so glad you followed my blog so that I’ve been introduced to yours. This is great reading. I am just digging into the chapters now and am enjoying it. Looking forward to your next post.
Dear Miss Wild, you write so well, it is such an honour that you follow my writing. Thank you so much and I hope you publish soon.
Thanks so much for your follow of Heart of Life Alchemy. I wish you fulfillment in writing, blogging, and life!
Hi Christine, thank you so much for visiting and following my blog. I’m especially glad that I’ve found yours too and I’m hooked. What an outstanding writer you are. All the best.
I imagine my reaction to discussions of post structuralism and penis size might be lots of things, but not boredom
” Make people uncomfortable. Comfort is dangerous. Do not let it suffocate you.” | “She lives her own little life, trying to be true to that gut feeling that has always commanded her choices.” | “In a society that so easily edits and creates time lapses, for all of our faults to be hidden, it feels good to create room for them.”
Christine, I’ve pasted my so-far fav quotes from your writing, though I’ve only read two chapters. Will be following you right back for more.
Insightful, reflective, and okay yes, overanalyzing. But that’s okay, it’s great in fact! I’ve been told I ruminate too much, that I am in constant inner conflict. Some days those traits bother me greatly. Others I relish the
uniqueness of them in my head. Today, right now, I celebrate them, for as you do know (quite evidential in your writing!), from over-analysis and ruminations come sparks of honesty that light a fire of truth within. It is in that fire I celebrate me, and marvelously authentic people like you.
Thanks for following, but more importantly, thanks for being authentic. Good hair days and bad, you’re a helluva young woman.
PS- from my perspective, letting go of control is the hardest but most freeing gift a human can give themselves, practice practice practice!
You made me so happy!!! Thank you soul sista! I shall do just that!!! Much love.
Thank you, so so much. Your comment really touched me deeply. Lots of love.
Thanks for following Nutsrok. Glad I found your site!
You are a very deep, profound and multi-layered writer.
Fathers are imperfect creatures. They wear the battle scars of this life – emotional, spiritual, physical, mental.
Just keep writing down your stories and you just may land a BIG movie deal one day. Then what will you do with all that money?? Hopefully, keep writing.
Why thank you so much! That’s the goal, to keep writing.
All the best to you. 🙂 Thank you, truly.
Hey Christine! Thanks so much for following Genxmomma. Your writing is wonderful and I am honoured that you chose to follow my blog 🙂 I look forward to reading more from you!
Your writing is so deep and raw. It pulled me in. I like the notion that “comfort is dangerous” especially regarding writing. Thank you for following my blog. I look forward to reading more of your work.
It had to happen eventually. You’ve been tagged😫
What does that mean?
Lol, sorry, I thought I sent the trackback request.
Christine, hello. I hope this finds you doing well.
I appreciate your devotion to the written word.
I see you have been a follower of “A Way With Words.” Great! Thank you.
We have now transformed into, “Delight in Disorder: Faith & Mental Illness” (delightindisorder.org). I hope you will join us there. On the left sidebar, there is a box (below “Get More Delight”) for subscriptions so you can get the most of our mission.
Take care & God bless,